Enough already!

Lately I've found myself in a conundrum about my self-esteem.

Normally, I'm a pretty well-balanced person. I respect myself, don't think I'm too ugly and I rarely worry about what others think of me. I worry enough to be respectable, but those opinions don't control my life.

Now let me give you some examples of recent occurrences in my life:

A) My kindergartens literally shouting over one another to tell me how beautiful I am. Yesterday, one yelled "Ellen laoshi, ni shi zui piaoliang de!" or "Ellen, you are the most beautiful ever!" They tell me my clothes are beautiful, my eyes, my hair and my face, etc. They pretty much have never seen someone so beautiful, which takes me to...

B) The mother of one of the kids I tutor asking me point-blank after the break, "So, are you still single?" like that should have changed in the three weeks I was away. This is a normal Chinese question, but it's the quiet expectancy of my love life being fulfilling that tends to seep into my normally positive single self. As if that weren't enough...

C) The 3rd graders at the international school where I teach were incredibly curious to know "if I loved somebody." We were discussing love--in the general sense--but they couldn't really get past romantic love. So they asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" and when I replied in the negative, they queried "So you're married?!" At which point, I asked "How old do you think I am?" One yelled "27!" and they all giggled.

I am 22. I am supposed to be single and lovin' it. Good looks and no responsibilities, what could be a better combination?

Nope, not in China. In China I should be using my girlish wiles to entrap an unsuspecting male into a long-term, eventually married, relationship. Even my tiny kindergarteners think so! I'm just getting all these mixed messages about myself, that I'm pretty (to toddlers anyway), that I'm eligible, and that I really should have a boyfriend.

Fine guys! I'm working on it. But not terribly hard, I must admit. I've got things to worry about like teaching kids, learning Chinese and planning my future. But until these people start setting me up on blind dates (which I honestly wouldn't put past them: they seem to get pleasure out of observing the romantic habits of foreigners), I will take these comments and compliments in stride. And rant on my blog, obviously.

I'm confused.

ellen